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Moving With Children

Things you can do to help the adjustment of your child

1. Healthy family relationships are the most significant stabilizing influence in a move.  Children need extra time with understanding parents who can emphasize the whole family is experiencing the readjustment together.

2. Keep up with ongoing traditions and normal schedules after the move to help promote feelings of security.  Don’t miss birthdays, etc...

3. Do not throw away old or broken toys before you move.  Pack and keep the old and broken toys and discard them long after your move.  This will limit the loss associated with the relocation process for the child.

4. Be mindful of children and families in your new neighborhood that might be a natural for friendship.  You may want to invite them over to your home for a snack soon after you have finished with the move.

5. Make a game of teaching the children about your new location.  It will provide a subject for family time together.  You will want to make an adventure of learning about and going to local sites.  It is a great way to schedule family time as you explore the city zoo, library, park, stadium, airport, and other special locations.

6. The relocation process happens for many families in June or January.  After summer relocation, parents can help their children find new friends and settle into the community quickly by being pro-active in developing their support system. One way to get your children started is to invite local children to a get acquainted party in your home.  These children will put you in touch with their adult parents and help you get to know some folks in the community.

7. An extension of this get acquainted process is to get your children involved in activities as soon as possible.  You may want to promote such things as scouting programs, dance classes, tumbling, comic book collecting, marshal arts, tennis, driver’s education, and numerous other interests and activities.  If you have young children pre-school, Gymboree program, Vacation Bible School, and a number of community art programs can be a source of new fellowship and friends.

8. A prime concern for most parents is the educational program of their children.  I am providing an entire checklist from an article by Frank Morin which suggests one can use in order to evaluate a child’s new school.

CHECKLIST FOR SCHOOL EVALUATION

1. How does the per-pupil expenditure of the school compare with that of other schools in the neighborhood & state?
2. What are the average and maximum class sizes?
3. How do the pre-college scores compare to the national average?
4. What are the graduation requirements?
5. What percentage of students goes on to a four-year college?
6. How many graduates are accepted into highly selective colleges?
7. What is the support services-guidance, social workers, speech and hearing, remedial reading?
8. What are the programs for the gifted physically handicapped, learning disabled, and intellectually handicapped...?
9. Are there any enrichment programs-art, music, drama, computer education?
10. How about sports and extra-curricular activities?
11. What is the accreditation status (if the school is private)?

You will want to explore what the school does to welcome a child.  This becomes especially important during a January move or move in the middle of the school year.

You will want to find out what the rules and the norms for the school are before your child begins attending.  The style of clothing and alike can be very different from one school to another.  The safety of the school is also a serious consideration.

Dating & The Single Parent

Dating is a real challenge in today’s society.  It is difficult enough to sort through the basics of current dating trends in our society.  Many use Internet chat rooms, personal ads, church singles groups and dear well-meaning friends to find potential dates.  The whole process becomes even more difficult when you are a single parent with children.

A single parent faces more than the usual dating challenges.  It is important to remember, you do not have to completely give up your social life in order to be a good parent!  It is hard not to scare off potential dates when they discover you are a parent.  But while it may narrow the field of suitors, being a single parent does not have to isolate you from the opposite sex and a well-rounded social life.

There are a number of potential conflict issues that face single parents who date.  The single parent can be caught between the desire to pay attention to their love interest and address the child’s fear of being abandon.  A second issue presents itself as a steady dating relationship creates a reordering process for dating partner, parent and child.  In some cases their core family life will end up being restructured.  Too often children see a date as a parent’s attempt to replace their former mommy or daddy with the new love interest.

It is best for a single parent to move slowly back into the dating game.  You don’t want  to scare a potential suitor into thinking you are on the rebound or looking for someone to inherit a blended family. 

Some suggestions:

♥       Take your time; don’t start dating immediately after a divorce or the death of a spouse.  Allow time for family members to adjust to the environmental changes facing your family.

♥       Be careful when introducing your children to your love interest and monitor the progress of their building relationship with them.  Make sure your relationship with a new person has a future before introducing them to your children. A steady stream of new faces can be confusing to children, especially young children.

♥       Pay attention to the initial reactions of your children to your love interest and monitor the progress of their building relationship.  Don’t expect your children’s relationships to develop with this person at the same rate as your relationship.

♥       Set ground rules for the relationship developed during dating with both your children and your dates. Issues of child discipline, language and other behavior guidelines should be discussed in advance of any interaction between a steady date and your children.  Communication is a primary preventative for interpersonal problems, as your casual dating partner becomes a steady part of your family circle.

♥       Make sure you continue to pay attention to your children.  You may want to consider a special time with each child daily or weekly, where it is just the two of you.  There is no substitute for good family time together.

♥       Finally, it is as important for you to live out your moral rules and guidelines, as you have set them for your children.  The people in our family of origin have modeled a great deal of our moral and interpersonal behavior for us.  It is important to practice the kind of moral and family behavior you would like to see develop in your children when they become adults.